9.12.2015

Working Towards Contentment


Calm.  Peaceful.  Happy.  Content.
Happy Family 1955 Eloise Wilkin
No more mad morning dashes out the front door.
No more being late to work.
No more snapping at the kids.
No more schedule rearranging.
No more sick days.
No more melt-downs in the mornings.
No more, “Who is picking up the kids today?”
No more, “Who will pick up dinner?”
No more, “Who will stay with the sick child?”
No more, “Not now, I’m working.”

How would your life change?

He begged her to stay home.  She didn’t feel adequate.  She couldn’t accept his care of her.  She feared abandonment.  “What will it take?” he asked.  She jokingly replied, “A Porsche Cayenne.”  Within a week he had one delivered and demanded she resign.  He told her that he and the kids desperately needed her to be at home.  The chaos and negativity of her job was destroying their home life.  She quit, and the above was her partial list of what changed.  Does your husband really want you to work?  It is a GIFT from a husband to his wife to provide for her and their children.

What used to be a normal way of life is now a precious calling for Christian mothers to be dedicated to the family at home, doing the work themselves that others hire out.

I wonder if people really are happier caring for strangers, than for their family?  Are they happier:

  • Teaching 34 kids instead of 2?
  • Caring for 30 patients instead of 4?
  • Waiting on 300 customers instead of 4?
  • Getting meals for dozens of families instead of 1?
  • Doing taxes or bookkeeping for others instead of 2?
  • Cleaning 15 homes instead of 1?
  • Caring for a dozen children instead of 2?
  • Counseling other families instead of strengthening their own?
  • Providing excellent customer service to hundreds instead of service to their husband?
  • Spending hours talking to clients instead of their own children?

If you are a Christian who has children at home, and are working for another, are you sure God is really calling you to do that?  (I imagine some are, but I’ll bet many others are not.)

A retired couple I met have a beautiful dream home with an incredible ocean view.  They love spending time with their grandchildren.  They are very energetic, helpful people.  But apparently, both wanted a second career and the chance to make even more money.  I can only imagine that they were talked into a franchise by a salesman telling them they could leave their kids millions (they won’t), because they bought a franchised store.  They appeared to be living cushy, but instead of spending their retirement helping those around them, they now work 12 hours a day, 6-7 days a week, have gone through their savings, and have put their lovely home, which they had poured money into for years making it their dream home, up for sale.  Why?  They had it made by most people’s standards!  Could it be…discontent? 

Content makes poor people rich; 
discontent makes rich people poor.  ~Ben Franklin

Are you working for free?  And I don’t mean motherhood or volunteer work!


I give examples of five women I have met who are working for free in my book How to Thrive on One Income.  My chapter entitled Working Towards Contentment begins with this post, but is greatly expanded.  These women say they are earning money, but when you do the math, they aren't adding any money to their family.  Be sure YOU count the cost of discontentment.




5.25.2015

"Mama...work?"

The Job
A. Sarnoff
When my baby was 2-1/2 years old, my old job called to see if I could fill in for two and one-half weeks while someone was on vacation.  Lured by the easy money, I readily agreed.

I was to begin on a Wednesday, so my DH took off Wednesday, Thursday and Friday.  I left a full fridge, no dirty laundry, and a sparkling clean home.  I was gone 10 hours.  I came home to dinner and a clean home, happy to see baby and daddy.

Thursday, same scenario, except the house was no longer sparkling.

Friday, I came home to no dinner and a messy house.  I was exhausted, and as I hadn't made the mess, I went on strike.  I wasn't going to do any dishes, laundry, or housework on my weekend.  I did take over caring for baby.

For the next two weeks, daddy took baby to grandma and grandpa's house.  Then he went to work.  When he picked little one up, grandma had dinner ready and waiting for him.

I began working 12 hour days.  As long as I was away from home, I might as well earn as much money as possible!  Still on strike, I had my lunch and dinner out.

The Experience, Was it Worth it? and Will I do it again? Plus, What this Experience Taught Me is all in my book How to Thrive on One Income.


“Today’s wives and mothers have found their total freedom.  Freedom from tyrannical bosses. Freedom from unfair wages and promotions.  Freedom from dividing our hearts, minds, bodies, and souls between work and family.  We’ve found our freedom by coming home.  Here we are truly free:  financially, emotionally, and creatively.  Our hearts are free to love, free to give, free to be and become who we really are, free to get to know who we really are, and free with our schedules. We manage all of these freedoms with perhaps more skill, professionalism, and resourcefulness than ever, and it’s healing us, our families, and our nation.” ~ Mrs. Wayne Hunter from the Article “The New Women’s Movement: We’re Coming Home”






5.08.2015

Mother is My Favorite Pin-Up Girl!

Children think their mothers are beautiful!

We are so very beautiful to them, no matter if we have make-up on, are overweight, or are wearing old pajamas with holes in them.

They say the sweetest things about how we look that are highly exaggerated.   Write them down!  I keep a small book in the kitchen of all the funny and sweet things my son has said over the years, and funny events, comics, etc.  (I began with scraps of paper I threw in a box.)  How we giggle when we go through it!

He just told me I didn't look any different with make-up on, so why do I wear it?  "It's the same old, adorable, beautiful face!"  Ha, ha!

When I saw this boy's pin-up, I realized that is truly how our children see us - we are the most beautiful gal in the room.

both ads by A. Sarnoff
Happy Mother's Day!  You are blessed!
 “Children are not a distraction from more important work. They are the most important work.” -C. S. Lewis


“Love me when I least deserve it, because that’s when I really need it.” -Swedish Proverb

“There can be no keener revelation of a society’s soul than the way in which it treats its children.” -Nelson Mandela

“Every kid is one caring adult away from being a success story.” -Josh Shipp

“Children are the living messages we send to a time we will not see.” -Neil Postman

 “Your greatest contribution to the kingdom of God may not be something you do, but someone you raise.” -Andy Stanley

3.30.2015

Lucky Mrs. Hen - Lucky Mrs. ME!

Richard Scarry's A Story A Day 365 Stories and RhymesWhen I was growing up there was a book in our church library that I loved to check out.  It had 365 short stories and poems, and my favorite one was Lucky Mrs. Hen (page 77).  I had even copied down the end of the story on a postcard, and practically memorized it. 

The story starts off with a dark rain storm.  Mrs. Hen decides to clean her house, while the neighbors just stare out the window and lament the rain, having wanted to work in the garden.     

But little Mrs. Hen put on her apron and cleaned her house.  When every corner was spick and span, she did her baking, clucking happily to herself.  Then she made doughnuts.  Just as she was sprinkling them with sugar, the rain stopped and pop! out came the sun!   
photo credit

“Just in time,” clucked Mrs. Hen.  “I’ll wash windows.”  She did. And she cut her grass and planted her garden.  Then, since the day was so beautiful, she packed a picnic basket.  

Then I recall that she asked all of her neighbors to go on a picnic, but each one said that the bright sunshine made their homes look so dirty that they had to clean them after weeding, and they couldn’t just go gallivanting off any time they felt like it.  They sounded very snippy, but she didn’t notice.

The story ends…She waved good-by, and without a care in the world she went off to have her picnic in the beautiful, sun-shiney, springtime woods.

Back then I couldn’t see that doing your work first thing instead of moping could later result in “being lucky” by freeing up your time to do what you wanted.  Of course I would clean my house if it rained, I thought.  I’d love to.   Today I can see the wisdom more than ever.  How long did I go without doing the basic morning work because, “I didn’t feel like it”? 

Little girls love to “keep house.”  It is naturally ingrained, unless someone important in their life diminishes its value – either an overwhelmed (or sometimes lazy) mother who hasn’t yet learned how to properly keep house, or someone who, not seeing the blessing in a wife who keeps house, demeans it.  Often little girls enjoy making the beds, dusting, setting the table, etc. if they are allowed to let their imagination run while doing it, and not be micro-managed, bossed around, or have their work redone.  I can remember doing these things and thinking that when I grew up I wanted to be a maid! (Hmmm, in some ways I am.)  But that is the power of little girls – home-keeping is such fun that they think it will always be so. 

I also remember going off to school and looking longingly back at my home in the morning sunshine.  I wanted to be in the kitchen with the sunlight pouring on the counters, baking.  I love sunlight shining in a mixing bowl.  I even wanted to hang laundry on the line, like our neighbor.  I wanted to make sure all the beds were made and the house picked up and dusted.  I wanted to cook and bake, but once I arrived home from school, the sunlight had shifted out of the house to the backyard, so I typically played out there, unless it was too hot, and then I stayed inside and read.  We played with friends from 3:00 to 6:00, dinner was at 6:30, and homework was begun at 7:00.  How I would have loved to have been homeschooled.  I would have learned to keep house while I was naturally interested in it, instead of having it demeaned while in school. 

Of course, little girls aren’t dealing with bills, deep cleaning, feeding real babies on little sleep, and cooking.  It gets a lot harder as we grow up.  Unfortunately, many women who do not keep their own house, but hire it out, still live with the fantasy that it is easy, and therefore demeaning.  When they decide to have children and come home to reality, they get the biggest shock.  Keeping one’s house clean and organized, along with cooking and caring for self, husband and children, while making ends meet on one income, really is a full-time endeavor. 

When I finally woke up to the fact that working for myself and my family was infinitely more pleasurable than working for others who reaped the benefits of my labor, that it is easier to cut expenses than earn income, and much more fun to stay home and do whatever I pleased whenever I wanted to, I also had to learn the hard way how to actually take care of my home, my child and my husband, and that all the excuses were gone. 

Keeping house was supposed to be so easy….so why was it so hard?  Reality is much more difficult than the fantasy our culture imparts.  However, there is great news!  Once you have decluttered your house, your life, and your thinking, once you have routines and have learned to cook nutritious food every day (I’m still working on this one), and once you know what cleaning methods work best for you and your family, life starts to really hum. 

Every day taking care of your family and home becomes more enjoyable (even while learning), and you can really live in the moment and focus on the pleasures of each day.  Now, when the sunlight peeps into my kitchen, my son and I have a picnic breakfast or lunch on the floor in the patch of sunlight.

You can use the dark, stormy days of raising little ones to your advantage so that pop! out on the other side comes Lucky Mrs. You.  You’ll be the one driving off with your husband and children to the sun-shiney, springtime woods as your neighbors bemoan their ill fortune, jealous how you, a simple house wife, can go gallivanting off whenever you feel like it, because, “she doesn’t work, you know.”

3.23.2015

I held the key to my own happiness

Photo credit
You can alter your life by altering your attitude.  ~Unknown

I embraced my situation in life on April 3, 2000.  I found a support group for a problem in my life that filled me with fear.  I took baby steps in ending the reign of my clutter (I believe I was one of FlyLady’s first 100 people).  I was also one of Rhonda Britten’s (of Starting Over fame) first clients.  I acknowledged myself for the many baby steps I was taking in several directions and my self-confidence grew.  I began to visualize how I really wanted my daily life to be. 

It was indeed a journey and I had many instances of confusion deciphering, “What am I committed to?  How do I act?  Where do I spend my time?  What do I want out of life?”  Yet because I was now consciously searching, writing and taking notes, spending an hour a day in prayer, devotion and learning, I had many key instances of clarity, vision, and discovering who I really was, what I wanted from my life, and the realization that I was my only solution (with God's leading).  Only I could choose what I wanted.  Only I could limit myself and live in fear.  Only I could take conscious steps in deciding how I wanted to change my life.  I held the key to my own happiness.
First you make your decisions, then your decisions make you.  ~Howard Hendricks


I put down on paper my five-year goals and I finally realized that if that was really what I wanted then I’d better start taking those first baby steps in getting there!  I wanted a house, a career (an income), two kids, healthy husband, church family. 

I began attending a church and went there two years before I realized I needed a more intimate church family – 400 was too many, so I changed to a smaller 100 person church and was much happier.

I didn’t think I’d be able to buy a home, but I started a dream box of clippings and pictures and began to clean up my bad credit.  I closed all but two credit card accounts.  I settled my outstanding debts.  I wrote and cleared off late payments.  I paid down my debts.  I began living within my income.  I took a free real estate class on buying a home.  I began budgeting.  I finally read Your Money or Your Life to the end of the book and completed many of the steps.  I stopped buying junk trinkets.  I cut back on all extras.  I read 40 books from the library on budgeting, living and housing.  I did the truly scary things like calling a mortgage broker and getting pre-qualified.  Calling a realtor and getting rejected as his client! (He said he didn't have any homes in my price range.)  Calling another one…

I put my t.v. in the closet until I was “unaddicted.”  I canceled my newspaper – it was too time consuming, depressing and irrelevant – interesting, but it didn’t move me any closer to my dreams!  It wasted my time and it was negative.   (Don’t put 2nd things 1st!  ~Unknown)

I also cancelled most of my magazine subscriptions for the same reasons, especially the beauty and home ones.  They filled me with discontent of myself and my apartment.  I found myself coveting things that were not on my NEEDs list.  I remembered the old saying, “Only one life, twill soon be past.  Only what’s done for Christ will last.”  I looked at everything in my life and asked, “Does this really matter?”


I don’t think much of a man who is not wiser today than he was yesterday. ~Abraham Lincoln


3.16.2015

If you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done

photo credit
We always think we are going to get our life together after the wedding, when we have a better job, after the baby is born,  when the child goes to school, when we get a raise, a dependable car, a bigger home, better organized, finish college, lose ten pounds...

Alfred D. Souza said, "For a long time it had seemed to me that life was about to begin - real life.  But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business...then life would begin.  At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life."

Instead of being surprised by hardships, I've come to expect them.  When I have a great day, I rejoice!

I've recently learned three things:
1)  To accept and bless my present circumstances - there is no better time to be happy than right now!  I have finally accepted the silliest things that bothered me in the past.  I have blessed my small house.  I went through each room and found something to be thankful about.  When I fold laundry, I thank God that I have laundry to fold - it means that I have people in my house whom I love and who love me.  

2) To give thanks, instead of complaints, to God.  I remember an article by Bill Yount that said prayer without thanksgiving is like mailing a package without postage.   (I don't know who Mr. Yount is, but I googled "thanksgiving is postage" and his article came up.  http://www.tidenstecken.se/enreturn.htm).

This mental image of our prayers having postage has never left me.  Phil. 4:6,7 states, "Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God, and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus."  My gratitude helps me to focus on what is right in front of me and be content, and not just launch into my worries and requests.

3.  To get going!  There are some things that I have prepared for and prepared for but never did.  There are half-finished projects that don't matter, and are being booted out the door.  There were organizations whose purpose I no longer could see the benefit of and I got out.  I pray for the courage to live the life God wants me to live, to give up activities that are not beneficial in the long run of my life, and to feel grateful for the life God has given me, obstacles and all.

So get going - call that friend, read that book, declutter, try a new recipe, change your mind, budget, do the thing you've been dreading, make that difficult phone call, begin to pay off that credit card, mentor a neighbor's child if you don't have your own, act as if you are grateful to be alive, accept your circumstances, scatter joy.  Accept whatever is in your life that needs accepting.  Say it out loud.  Whatever you complain about, reverse it.  Find a reason to accept it.


If you wait for perfect conditions, you will never get anything done.  Ecclesiastes 11:4 (Today's English Version)

3.09.2015

Life - In Order


I love to do things in order – everything simply turns out better!  Our God is a God of order!

He tells us that when we seek his Kingdom first, our other concerns will fall into order.  “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”  Matthew 6:33

Your home can be a place of order, but FIRST it needs to be a place of WORSHIP.  Silence, or reading in the sunlight and listening to the everyday sounds of a child playing, or a dishwasher humming, is relaxing and well-worth turning off the radio, computer and t.v. to attain.  Singing a cappella, or with a CD, is a way to bring worship into your home.  You don’t need to practice yoga and sit in silence, emptying your mind, to find serenity.

In fact, as Christians, we are called to FILL our minds with Scripture.  When we have questions for God, He often will answer us through memorized Scripture.  And if you haven’t memorized any – or rarely read your Bible – well, you might not hear as clearly as those who have.  He will often call Scripture to a person’s mind for advice on how to deal with a problem.

My new favorite version of the Bible is NLT - The Daily Walk Bible.  BUT!  You can ignore the dates on which to read the chapters!  This is just a guideline to read it in one year - 6 days a week with a catch-up and devotional day!  However, you do not have to complete the readings in one year.  JUST BEGIN TODAY.  The date you read it doesn’t matter – it just matters that you DO read it!

When I worked full-time I read my Bible in the car during lunch.  After my son’s birth, I tried mornings.  It did not work for me.   Around his first birthday, we began each day by reading him Bible stories (The Rhyming Bible , then The Young Learner’s Bible Story Book for preschoolers, and then, Devotions for the Children’s Hour by Kenneth Taylor.  Some like Catherine Vos' The Child's Story Bible but our favorite is the 10 volume set The Bible Story from “Uncle Arthur” Maxwell, along with his Bedtime Story books. 


While we often read from a variety of versions, my favorite for studying has been The International Inductive Study Bible because of the incredibly wide margins!  I love to write in my Bible.  I write the date I read verses or chapters.  I also write notes about what I’ve learned.  My notes have been very helpful in helping me connect material.  

Reading the Bible daily – for 5 minutes, or 15 minutes – or 1 chapter – or 4 chapters – helps us to live a conscious* life.  We don’t have to do it perfectly!  We just have to DO it.  Satan will want you to feel behind – that’s why you can ignore the dates – you are not behind!

Let God speak to you and fill your mind as you read.  Satan wants you to give up, forget, or fall asleep

YOU need to pray and charge through and read 5 minutes a day.  If you get stuck – do 3 minutes!  Once you start, you’ll see the benefits and keep going.  Begin today!  Find your time.  Don’t try and be perfect.   

Remember that the Amish purposefully put in a few imperfect stitches into every quilt they make to remind themselves that only ONE was perfect – and it isn’t them.  It isn’t us, either, so don’t try and read the Bible perfectly!  Just begin.  Today.  Print, get it ready.  Find your time.

*con·scious (from Dictionary.com)  adjective

1. aware of one's own existence, sensations, thoughts, surroundings, etc.

2. fully aware of or sensitive to something
3. having the mental faculties fully active
4. known to oneself; felt
5. aware of what one is doing

To read posts on organization, go here.
(This article has been updated and reposted because the original file became corrupted.)